allyssa_megan (allyssa_megan) wrote in moretolifethan,
allyssa_megan
allyssa_megan
moretolifethan

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new to the community

well i'm really new to this, but i figure i'll give it a try anyways. this is a poem i wrote when i recently attended a hearing that had to do with my mom. she pretty much disowned me...here goes.

My shoes are black
my sox are too
pin stripe dot running through my suit
it's from khols-yuck
i can hear lawyers voices
and see my mother cry.
i try to be flexible
my grandmother grimaces
and papaw debates.
"30,000 dollars" melisa says
and angry exclamation
and i think
that's my going price?
melisa crys and whines
about not having money to pay
that used to be my problem
but i got 2 jobs.
o and i never had a kid
and i never kicked the hypothetical father
out of our lives...
no all that happened to you mom.
and i pay for it all
and they are still talking numbers
i had to commit to dates
who knows what these choices will affect
money, money, money
that's all she's really worried about
but could she even be stable
if i lived up there?
she says she's not involved in my life
i wonder if she has any idea
that i smoke?
she can't know about the pills
or the weed
what could i possibly reveal?
all she cares about is money
the selfish bitch is crying over money
not me, not me

laurie the bitch lawyer
asked if i was still in counceling
and she's questioning my stability?
i need a councelor to acutally listen to me
no one really hears me
or my erratic thoughts
the damn phone keeps ringing
i can't always hear the scattered bits and pieces
i just want to escape them all
she could be a fucking drama queen
with her crocodile tears
she doesn't really cry for me;
it's onl for her
she tells me: You've only heard their side of the story!
like my grandparents have brain washed me or something
like i wouldnt' remember
and what the fuck is up w/ jeff spending the night?
will i at least get to party
with my friends this summer?
i almost miss the empty
vomit feeling compared to this
new emptyness
just random thoughts
do you even know what i'm talking about?
have you a clue?
my wrist hurts
and she has "copies of bills"
my head hurts
and i have to "understand realities of school"
whatever the fuck that means
i hate it here
i just want to get
away and start over
my mom isn't gonna sign
a check to pay for college
hopefully i didn't get my grandparents in trouble
by telling the truth about what she said
and on to lunch soon...
wonder how that will go?
apparently there's something else going on
in "2 weeks"
it might be time to put on my plastic grin
shake some hands
and possibly leave?
Hopefully a friend can fly with me
to mumsy dearests closet
a door opens and everyone looks at me
like they are all thinking:
what does she know?
i'll let them all think
whatever they want, because
in a year i'll be gone.

i know this doesnt' really rhyme or anything and i'm sure your like ok was she really even coherent when she wrote this. and yes i was. mostly it was just thoughts. idk just respond or tell me what ya think thanks for the time and sorry its so long.
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